Cats in the Cradle: Ode to Workaholic Moms

Cats in the cradle and the silver spoon

Little boy blue and the man in the moon

When ya coming home Dad?  I don’t know when,

But we’ll get together then, son.  You know we’ll have a good time then.

 

This little refrain dances through my head with a folksy little tune quite a bit these days.  I’m sure I was a strange child, because Cats in the Cradle has been one of my favorite songs since I was about eight years old. Yes, I was cat-crazy from an early age, but I’ve always understood the story that the song tells. http://www.lyricsdepot.com/harry-chapin/cats-in-the-cradle.html

Cats in the cradle…

It seems like recently has been a particularly tough “cats in the cradle” time for my family.  My mom just retired after working 44 years with the same company.  She called me on the last week of her job, also my birthday week, and I was working on deadlines, stressing about sitter arrangements, and a dozen other things that day.  It was hard for me to stop the whirlwind of my day to settle down long enough to ask her how she was feeling about her next big life change.   Recently, I forgot my Dad’s birthday, but randomly called home just to say hi on his big day.  Luckily, it wasn’t a birthday ending in a zero. Both of these incidents shone the light on me, constantly in motion, compared to their process of slowing their lives to a “smell the roses” pace.  My workaholic mom and I have officially switched places.

And the silver spoon…

My two preschoolers keep me busy with the usual stuff, like running to school and playdates. We have a lovely home that takes time to maintain and update. We are blessed with friends, church, and family.  My husband sometimes travels for his job, which strains our schedule.  And, of course, we joke that I work for the most demanding boss ever, myself.  It’s not quite a silver spoon life, but we, like most Americans, have it relatively good, as long as we are working and paying our dues.

Little boy blue…

Discipline, sibling rivalry, and reminders about manners take up a lot of my day.  Most days feel like one step forward, two steps back.  I thought two little girls wouldn’t wrestle, for heaven’s sake.  Sometimes I am blue- no-worn out- by day’s end. Where are all the well-meaning lookers-on from the malls and the stores when I’m refereeing my 99th wrestling match of the day?

And the man in the moon…

When Cats in the Cradle was a hit for Harry Chapin in 1974, I was just a baby.  Moms all over the country were still busting out of the household, scratching and clawing to make it into the working world.  My girls don’t realize that women have, indeed, reached the moon, but only recently.  They don’t yet realize how happy it makes Mommy to be able to keep one foot firmly in my professional life, while also working a second shift at home rather than sending them off to daycare.  The song croons about a boy and his father, working too hard to fully experience his growing son’s life.  The young child wants to be just like his daddy and by the end of the song, the workaholic dad realizes that, “He’d grown up just like me.  My boy was just like me.”

In this day and age, the song would be written for mother and daughter.  I really believe there is no absolute balance, no way to fully appreciate every single moment, no way to keep the kids small at their cutest stages.  If it’s hard to decide whether this is an article with more “up” sentiments or more “down,” that reflects reality.  Our lives are Cats in the Cradle moments strung together. Many women today take big risks to fashion a life that allows for professional pursuit, flexible scheduling, and time enough with their mini-me’s.  I wonder who will write the next Cats in the Cradle song for this generation.  I won’t be surprised if it will be all about a mom and her daughters this time around.

 

Are You Working on Mastering The Mommy Track?

New Book Alert:                                            Mastering The Mommy Track: Juggling Career and Kids in Uncertain Times

by

Erin Flynn Jay

 

ADVICE FOR WORKING MOMS TO GET THROUGH UNCERTAIN TIMES AND ACHIEVE HAPPINESS AT WORK AND HOME:

–Publicity expert addresses struggles working moms face during economic downturn and solutions to overcome them

 

         Many working mothers today face great tension between their families and careers. They are more likely than men to feel pressed for time and conflicted about being away from young children while working. They are also more likely to seek out help or guidance.

         In Mastering the Mommy Track: Juggling Career and Kids in Uncertain Times (ISBN 978-1780991238, 2012, John Hunt Publishing, 206 pages, $19.95, available on Amazon), Erin Flynn Jay tells the stories of everyday working mothers, the challenges they have faced and lessons learned. She also offers solutions from experts on how mothers can overcome current issues in order to lead happy, healthy lives at home and work.

         The Great Recession has had a deep impact on working mothers; this book delves into the issues these mothers have faced and timely solutions to overcome them. The Great Recession saw women working harder than ever before to support their families, many being the sole breadwinner while Dad stayed at home, caring for young kids. Many women also experienced burnout and depression, putting their children and spouse’s needs above their own.

         A 2010 Pew Research survey found that 30 months after it began, the Great Recession has led to a downsizing of Americans’ expectations about their retirements and their children’s future; a new frugality in their spending and borrowing habits; and a concern that it could take several years, at a minimum, for their house values and family finances to recover.

         As we gradually recover from the economic slowdown, women are seeking to reclaim their lives. Mastering the Mommy Track helps them do this, offering timely case studies and solutions that work.

         The dozen chapters each address critical issues women grapple with including: parenting, financial, time management, romance, psychological and nutrition/health. Mastering the Mommy Track, while not grim, takes a serious approach, telling the tales of women who have struggled through the economic downturn to achieve a new working attitude.

The need for such a book has become greater as the US economy still sputters along with national unemployment over 8 percent and 100 million Americans without jobs. “When shaping this book, I thought of 12 trigger areas that cause working mothers anxiety today–these became my chapters,” said Flynn Jay. “This was based on my personal experience, research, and feedback from friends and acquaintances.”        

Through a thoughtful and moving read, Mastering The Mommy Track touches on timely topics including:  

  • Unprecedented challenges moms face during this weak economy
  • Advice for getting through these uncertain times
  • The added stress unemployment and lower income brings
  • How mothers can take their careers to the next level–even with active home lives
  • Why many moms are resentful of their partners
  • Why moms must carve out more personal time for themselves

      “Many families across the country are still struggling to make ends meet, and parents are often too afraid to speak publicly about it. The middle class is facing poverty and many are fighting to survive. Our generation is very different than the one we were raised in,” added Flynn Jay. “My book offers insight that will help working moms improve their personal lives and careers. It is a juggling act to balance home and work duties, and for a lot of women in 2012, it’s a walk on a tightrope–a fear their families will never experience the rewards (vacation, travel, time off) they so rightfully deserve.”

About the author:

Erin Flynn Jay is a writer and public relations executive.

Since 2001, Erin has been promoting authors of new books and small businesses in all industries. Erin has expertise in successfully obtaining print, online and broadcast media placements for experts and authors. She has established on-going partnerships with other public relations agencies and teams with them on projects when her PR and writing skills are needed.

Erin’s articles have appeared in publications including careerbuilder.com, MSN Careers, Brandweek, Costco Connection, Opportunity World, Sales and Marketing Excellence, The New York Enterprise Report and Wealth Manager. In 2010, Erin wrote extensively about timely professional coaching topics for www.coachingcommons.org.

When she is not working, Erin loves to explore all that Philadelphia has to offer with her family. Part time taxi driver for her daughters, she will often be at a park, library or play area like the Nest or Please Touch Museum with her daughters.

She received a B.A. in Communication from the University of Scranton in PA and lives in Philadelphia with her husband and two young daughters.

Website: www.erinflynnjay.com

 

Mastering The Mommy Track is available on Amazon and www.jhpbusiness-books.com.

 

Disclosure:  There might be a page of organizing advice by moi in this newest must-have mommy guide, but I’m on my way to check out all the great advice by the experts Assembled by Erin Jay.

What to Wear to BlogHer (or What to Wear to a Business Meeting)

What, you don’t know what BlogHer is?  A year ago, I didn’t, either.  It turns out, there really is a time and a place for everything, and the time for (mommy) bloggers to hang out is at the original blogging conference called BlogHer.  In 2012, it’s being held in NYC, so a lot of my friends and colleagues are going, since it’s an easy drive from Philly.  I’ve been watching with amusement the emails, tweets, FB posts and blog posts posing and answering the number one question:

What should I wear to BlogHer? 

This very question drives me crazy.  As women, we get up every single day and decide what to wear.  Usually we look fabulous without even trying.  We dress our kids.  Some of you even dress your husbands.  Why does this primal cry ring out when we ladies are headed to conference, or any large gathering???  Here are the reasons that I think we go all irrational.

1.  It’s been a long time(maybe forever) since some of us were in corporate, where there may or may not have been an accepted style or even “uniform”.  Here’s mine, from back in the day.  Please excuse the dust on the shoulders.  I pretty much keep this outfit for funerals and the odd (very odd) corporate interview.  I know.

2.  We want to put our best foot forward.  If you work at home, like I do much of the time, this chance to dress to impress doesn’t come along every day.  So our confidence in our ability to be current, in fashion, and comfortable all at the same time might not be as well tuned as we’d like it to be.  I know, trust me.  While I have a closet full of wonderful clothes, the ability to pull together an outfit with great shoes and a current necklace all at the same time sometimes eludes me.

3.  We sieze this as an opportunity to freshen up our look.  All too often, though, we leave this until the last minute, risking buying or bringing something that doesn’t quite hang together. 

4.  If the gathering is something we’ve never been to before, we may honestly need help from veterans on the climate, environment, amount of walking/standing required, and the general mood of the place.

5.  There are no wardrobe rules anymore.  Ever since suits got replaced with “business casual” in the 1980’s, women have been somewhat adrift.  The goal is to be stylish but not faddish, comfortable but professional, standing out just enough to be remembered but still looking apporachable enough for networking. 

Women alone carry this burder.  My husband NEVER, EVER asks what he should wear before he travels.  Of course, today most men can grab a pair of khaki pants with a solid color “polo” or “golf” style shirt and call it a day.   Their shoe choice might be black or brown, with laces or without.  Done.

The best advice is to stay true to your own style and strive for a “professional” look, wherever you are.  My favorite definition of a “professional” look is one that maintains your style without causing anything to detract from your message.  So if feathers in your hair really explains who you are (maybe you are an avian activist or a blogger with a bird-themed logo), go with it.  If feathers in your hair will make everyone you meet think, “Whoa, what’s with that chick?” then skip it.   Here are some good picks from a blogging expert, Jo-Lynne Shane.

If you still need a visual, here are my picks.

I wore this to a professional conference earlier this year.  I always feel more polished with a jacket, but sometimes people are actually intimidated by the one chick in the room with a suit jacket on.  The cardigan is the working gal’s professional friend.  It offers the chance to bring in color, and it’s your best hedge against too warm/too cold meeting spaces.  These tops from Ann Taylor paired well with slightly more interesting than usual large check grey slacks. 

 

And comfortable shoes.

A long column dress works for me because I’m tall, it hides the fact that I’m anti-pantyhose, and a large scale pattern gives me a little boost of color.  Many of these rayon blends also pack suprisingly well and shed wrinkles, which is great for travel.

 

Add a fitted jacket, low heels, and acessories, and this is a very professional look. As a bonus, I was wearing this dress to a conference when I was almost 6 months pregnant and the cut of the jacket actually hid my bump a bit, which was something I was trying to do in that particular crowd.

And comfortable shoes.

 

For something a little more festive, I am getting daring and wearing this to an event tonight (the smaller but just as fun #PhillyHomeHer12).  It meets my criteria of always trying to wear sparklies.  I wouldn’t wear this to a standard button-down cocktail event, but tonight’s even is all gals, and way more fun than your average meet and greet, being hosted by the Firebird Grill and Towne Book Center in Collegeville.  I would feel totally comfortable wearing this to BlogHer, but not to a meeting with a major coporate client. 

And comfortable shoes.  Noticing a theme here?  Yes, these shoes from BORN are indeed comfortable even for my problem feet.

 

Remember, professional, stylish, colorful, feminine are all OK.  It really seems that the only true rule of fashion these days is to wear things that look good on you and make you feel fabulous. But, like mama always said, your best outfit always comes with a smile.

Chrissy DiAngelus of Piccadilly Arts (right) shows off her style at #PhillyHomeHer12. 

If you are pregnant, an entrepreneur, someone who works at home, or found your way here for a little practical wardrobe advice, I hope this works for you. 

If you’ve been to a conference lately, what outfit worked best for you?